The Peanuts

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him.

While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the
peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.

As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for
the peanuts."

She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the
chocolate off 'em."

Marital Bliss

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate
for an hour.'

Husband : 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
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Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife : 'Yes and no.'
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Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'

Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look
at your picture and the problem disappears.'

Wife: 'You see how incredible I am for you?'

Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem
can there be greater than this one?'
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Stress Reliever

Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.'

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries
or troubles.'

Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
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Son: 'Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me
to give up my seat to a lady.'

Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'

Son: 'But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
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A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father
hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER
WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
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Father to son after exam: ‘Let me see your report card.'

Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.'
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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty
face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of
humor.'

Green Side Up!!!

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.

In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The
contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it,
and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP! "In the second room she told the
painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this
on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.

In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and
yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying
sod across the street."

Show us a picture of you listening to MOON in The Morning!